I have now made three trips to Texas in the past four years, but, somehow, I neglected to try any barbecue during my first two excursions to the Lone Star State. I made sure not to make the same escape thrice.
My original lunch plans were a bit uncertain before I made the official decision to feast on some hopefully delicious smoked meat. After killing some time in my hotel room by mindlessly flipping through various day-time cable programs and occasionally remarking on the dingy quality of the red-tinged carpet, my buddy and I decided to ditch our suffocating quarters and get some grub. A brief detour led us inside a comic book store, more like a geek sanctuary, before we both became overwhelmed by the overpriced memorabilia and underwhelmed by the merchandise itself.
I contemplated grabbing Vietnamese in order to introduce my friend to the magical simplicity of pho, but I quickly ditched the idea once I saw a sign advertising barbecue sold from what appeared to be a modest shack. For some reason, the more casual, if not dilapidated, a barbecue joint looks the more I assume it will be worth a visit. For the record, this is not a winning formula.
However, upon turning around the corner, we soon discovered that the advertisement was not associated in any way with the shack whose exterior it hung from. And so, we drove through a labyrinth of businesses within a never-ending sea of parking spaces in an aimless pursuit of this presumably nearby barbecue joint. A quick search on my compadre’s phone revealed that the business’s location was not remotely close to this concrete wasteland. Okay, now what?
I parked my vehicle to determine whether we would trek across town as part of some spontaneous quest for the ‘Holy Smoker’. Interestingly enough, a glance in my rearview mirror revealed an establishment advertising none other than barbecue within a stone’s throw of our position.
The business’ name didn’t do much to win me over (Pit Master BBQ & Café just seems a bit too bland to me), and neither did its stereotypically Texas décor (e.g. lone star emblems adorning furniture fixtures, guns positioned along various stretches of wall, cowhide-printed tabletops, obnoxiously-colored cowboy boots...the works). Butttttt…I would be remiss if I didn’t divulge the fact that such skepticism was a bit dispelled upon being greeted by a rather attractive, young woman.
I know…I know what you’re all thinking, “Wayne, how could you sink so low? We come here to know what you think of a restaurant's food and service, not whether or not you are attracted to members of the waitstaff. How could your opinion of an establishment rely in any capacity on your sexist, lascivious objectification of a server? Shame on you!”
And yes, I often look down on diners who show particular favoritism to restaurants (I detest the restaurants even more), who parade their servers around in skimpy outfits in an attempt to solicit the business of more salacious male customers. But let me clarify two things: 1) These women are not being held against their will. They are more than capable of filling out an employment application for a business advocating for a more conservative work attire/uniform. 2) I am only human, dammit! I have my moments of weakness!
Though I can assure you that the attractiveness of said workers ultimately had no substantial impact on my overall opinion and current review of this business…it did manage to momentarily distract my attention from the aforementioned hackneyed and clichéd design of the place.
We were quickly seated at a bar-adjacent table near a set of saloon-style doors. Unfortunately for my friend, the constant traffic passing through those doors resulted in the occasional contact with both servers and diners walking past us.
Our server soon arrived to take our drink order and returned shortly after with our beverages. We placed our order and waited only a few minutes before our food was brought fresh out of the kitchen.
Each table contained one bottle of house barbecue sauce and a hot sauce brand I was unfamiliar with. The hot sauce was very tasty but the barbecue sauce was a tad too sweet and mild for my liking. I have never trusted any barbecue establishment that utilizes a single sauce for all of its meats. There is too much variation in taste when it comes from the various cuts of poultry, beef, and pork, to warrant a ‘one-size-fits-all’ condiment option. In my opinion, everyone should have the option of at least one sweet and one spicy barbecue sauce option (although the hot sauce/barbecue sauce combination worked surprisingly well).
I selected the smoked ½ chicken for my entrée and the house salad and BBQ beans for my two sides. I took issue with the house salad costing two dollars extra to substitute in favor of one of the starchier standard sides. Surprisingly, the salad was hefty in size and contained a decent amount of spinach leaves. As someone who has had their share, and probably your share, of house salads, it is such a nice change of pace to consume some leafy greens other than just some ultra-banal iceberg lettuce.
The way I see it, there is a three-tier hierarchy of leaf vegetables commonly employed in the making of salads:
1. Spinach, Swiss Chard, Kale
2. Romaine, Oak Leaf, Red Leaf, Green Leaf, Butterhead Bibb, and Butterhead Boston Lettuce
3. Iceberg Lettuce
Now that you know where I stand on that controversial matter, let’s return to the review.
The BBQ beans were okay but contained a few too many scraps of fatback bacon. While I agree that the addition of a few pieces of crisp bacon or ham can complement a side of greens or a pot of beans, soggy and lardaceous bits of pork fat are nothing more than a fly in my chardonnay as far as I am concerned. And no, I am not insinuating that it's ironic…because it wouldn’t be in any sense.
The smoked chicken was tender and juicy. While the dry rub wasn’t anything spectacular, I would still classify this as some pretty solid poultry. The hot sauce and barbecue sauce blend I concocted seemed like a match made in Heaven.
Our server appeared eager to have us finish our meal, pay, and thus exit the premises. I found it a bit odd that we were implicitly encouraged to not loiter, because the lunch crowd seemed to be dying down as we rose from our table to exit. As I mentioned previously, the service was quick, but not all that friendly. Neither of us were asked if we would like a refill, and no one offered to serenade us at our table! The nerve of some people.
The food was reasonably priced and obviously the service was quick. I wouldn’t classify this as top-notch barbecue but I also wouldn’t steer anyone away from it. Hahahahaha. Get it? I wouldn't STEER anyone away. Because it's barbecue...you know, beef comes from cows...and, um...we're in Texas?
Anyway, it’s pretty middle of the road in several respects. The sides don’t really stand out, the sauce is underwhelming, and there are chunks of fat in the BBQ beans. On a positive note, the smoked chicken was pretty tasty. Considering that The Woodlands has far too many franchises and national chains for my preference, I found this local business to be a bit refreshing.
Houston may currently be the most touted culinary city in the country, but it appears that this reputation does not extend to its suburbs.
Smoked ½ chicken 8/10 House salad 6/10 Barbecue beans 4/10
Cost: 9/10
Dining Area/Décor: 5/10
Customer Service: 8/10
Location: 6/10
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